masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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