i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
