"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your face is a jimmy john
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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