Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
