I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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