this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
