I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
