i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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