Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
