cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
