I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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