census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
