I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
