I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
