I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
