Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
