I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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