his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
