just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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