The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
