All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
