she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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