just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
