I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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