I looked at my own cervix.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
