i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
