please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
