maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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