so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
