I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
