best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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