Someone shit on the floor
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
