my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
