Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
