even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
