Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
