I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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