I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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