Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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