dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
