my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
