If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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