woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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