I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
