I am puke
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
