I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
