First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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