Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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