He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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