come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
