Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
