i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
