So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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