last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
