I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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