just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
