She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
