Welp...herpes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
