Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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