The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
