I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
