Are we in a gay sports bar?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
