i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Green mimosas i think yes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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