dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
