Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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