Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
