"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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