I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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