You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
