I got chris browned last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
