3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
